Dear Mom
by Three Cheers For the Broken
Summary: Mom, I don't want to hate U And I don't want U to hate me But this void of pain is increasing And its practically consuming me All my friends accept me and I was hoping you would too U tell me I'd regret telling them But the only 1 I regret telling is you


**A/N: This involves homosexual relationships. If you have any problem at all with homosexuality then I suggest you don't read this. To every one else please enjoy and review.**

**Disclaimer 1: I do not own _Twilight _or anything in relation to it or Stephenie Meyers. No Copyright infringement intended.**

**Disclaimer 2: The poem used in this Fic (in_ italics_) does not belong to me. I was granted use of it from Addison Rae also known as 'I Have Cullenism'.**  
Thank you Cullenism. I truly appreciate you for that.

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**Dear Mom**

I am lying in my bed with my arms wrapped tightly around my pixie-like beauty's waist. So tightly I'm sure she can feel my breasts and abdomen pressed into her cold, stone like back. Our fingers are entwined at her stomach, my face buried in her neck. We are in complete silence except for my soft breathing and the branches scratching at my window. It isn't an uncomfortable silence. It was content actually, Peaceful.

I look up from her neck and take a quick glance down her small body and back up before resting my chin on her shoulder. She is completely and utterly beautiful, my little vampire. She has short, black hair that sticks out in every direction possible and tickles my nose when I'm behind her like this. The moonlight hits her skin and she sparkles up like diamonds being held under a 100 watt light bulb. I've seen her like this countless times before but every time it leaves me mesmerized.

I am snapped out of my reveries by a sigh. A soft but still audible sigh. For a moment I wonder if I was so caught up in Wonderland that I hadn't heard she had said.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

She doesn't answer right away but I wait patiently for it. "Your mother doesn't like me very much." I can hear the sadness in her voice though I think she is trying to hide it.

"My mother doesn't like _me_ very much." I reply bluntly.

_Mom, I'm feeling so much pain right now  
But I've already cried to much  
Now the only way to let it out  
Is by telling you what has me in its clutch_

_It rips my heart to say this  
Knowing that it could hurt you too  
But if this is the only way to speak to you  
Then I guess this is something that I have to do_

"Your mother loves you." Alice says. She wants me to believe this. _I_ want me to believe this. But I don't.

"Yeah. _Right_." She knows I don't believe this. Alice unclasps our hands and pats my arm to let me know that she wants to get up.

_Mom, I know what and who I am  
But unfortunately so do you  
What hurts the most is not that you know  
But the fact that you don't approve_

She stands up and walks over to my window and begins to open it. I immediately jump up and run to her side, tripping over my own feet in the process. Afraid my comment had upset her I turn Alice around and look down into her golden eyes.

"I'm sorry." I say. My voice is dripping sincerity.

"You need to talk to her, Bella."

"I know. I will."

"Tonight."

"But--," she cuts me off already knowing what I'm about to say.

"She's not asleep. I can hear her. She's in her room watching TV." I let out a sigh of defeat upon hearing this.

"When will you be back?" I ask changing the subject.

"In the morning. I'll pick you up for school."

"You're not going to be here when I wake up?"

"Carlisle wants to talk to about the wolves and my visions. And I need to hunt. I promise I'll pick you up, Bells." She says reaching up to put a stray hair behind my ear.

"Okay."

I lean down and capture her lips in a passionate 'see-you-later' kiss. I am reluctant to let her go but I know she has some things to take care one of those things being me.

"I love you, Bella." Alice says giving me one last peck on the lips and climbing onto the window sill with bare feet. I smile inwardly at this. She never wears shoes when she sneaks in my window at night. I always laugh when I see her slide in and she just simply says 'It's not like I'll need them with what we'll be doing.'

I close the window as she jumps onto the branch that is about six feet away from the window and turns face me. I can still see that toothy smile and those big, child-like eyes glowing at me in the darkness. Smiling back at her before she leaps out of the tree I say my parting words:

"I love you, too"

_It cuts me deeper every time when  
You voice your opinions of me out loud  
I'd go to my room and scream and cry  
Cause all I want to do is make you proud_

_Now, yes, I've made mistakes in my life  
But, you know what Mom, so have you  
I've learned from mine over time  
Maybe you should start learning too_

I slowly walk to Mom's bedroom door. It's closed and the TV is so loud that I can hear it through the door. I hear an audience laugh and then a familiar voice saying something humorous to the crowd again. Jack McFarland. She's watching 'Will & Grace'. Laughing at possibly the gayest man on television besides that fitness guy who always wears the tights and the curly afro.

I turn around and head for my room but freeze in my tracks. Alice would know if I decided not to talk to her. _'Stupid future seeing vampire.'_ I think to myself.

Turning back around I hear Jack say something that triggers my memory. I've seen this episode before. Will is trying to help Jack get a man in Banana Republic. I remember this episode not only because Lifetime plays as frequently as fucking possible but also because Mom was watching this at the time I had come out to her with Alice at my side. That day was the most agonizing day of my life. I had no contempt for her before that day. But the moment she'd told me that it wasn't right and that I had committed the ultimate sin my blood began to boil -- Alice had to let go of my hand and take a few steps away to stay under control -- and I knew that she would never accept us. Accept _me_.

_I always see you watching TV shows  
With gay people on the main cast  
You look at me with such disgust  
But at the TV, Mom, you just laugh_

_Whenever I ask you why that is  
You just look at me and stare  
You'd tell me its because I'm your daughter  
And you'd tell me its because you care_

I knock on her door but because of the TVs volume I recieve no answer. I knock harder. The volume decreases and I hear a soft "Come in." from Mom.

Opening the door slowly I see my mother lying on her bed with her reading glasses and bonnet on. I can see her curls falling out of the sides and back of it. I let my eyes scan over her spacious bedroom. Everything matches; The bed, dresser, bedside tables, make-up station with the little chair -- which had Mom's fiancee's baseball jersey hanging over its back, the number '27' showing clearly -- are all white with gold outlines and knobs. The white paint on the furniture is so shiny that if you put a flashlight to it and stared at the lit spot for too long you'd probably blind yourself. If I didn't know any better I would think I'd just stepped into an episode of Extreme Home Makeover. I continue to look around the room, avoiding Mom's eyes until my own land on the television.

She catches me looking at the TV reaches for the remote and turns its power off. She's giving that look again. I don't think she knows she's doing it but she is. That akward look. Like she's not sure if she should say something. "Is there something you wanted?" she asks.

"Um, ye-no, um, uh--" I'm stuttering horribly and I have to stop myself to prevent more stupidity from flying out of my mouth. I glance at the black screen and back at Mom. Her brows are pulled togther and she looks confused now. "Um, I just wanted to tell you goodnight." I say. I will feel the wrath of Alice Cullen tomorrow.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep well."

"You too." I mumble just loud enough for her to hear. I turn to leave herself but she stops me. When I am facing her I see something in her eyes that I haven't seen in a long while.

_Well, Mom, is that not hypocrisy  
To like people that are gays  
But you spit in disgust when you learn  
That your daughter happens to go both ways_

_Mom, I don't want to hate you  
And I don't want you to hate me  
But this void of pain is increasing  
And its practically consuming me_

_All my friends accept me  
and I was hoping you would too  
You tell me I'd regret telling them  
But the only person I regret telling is you_

"Bella?" she says taking off her glasses.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"I love you, honey. No matter what, I will always love you." Her voice cracks at the end of her sentence and I can tell she's holding back tears.

"I love you, too Mom." I reply. I even suprise myself by smiling a big toothy smile that she returns almost immediately.

Walking out of her room I close the door behind me and go back to my own. I climb into bed and sleep peacefully; not one tear drops from my eyes.

I wake to cool arms shaking me softly. I get up and ready myself for school. I look over at Alice and she is watching me with a grim expression. She almost scared me. Almost.

"Are you upset with me?" I ask.

Her face softens a bit before she answers. "No, I'm not upset with you," she pauses and walks over to me and frames my face with her small hands. "I just wanted you two to talk about this. I know she disapproves of us being together but you can't just hate her forever."

"I don't hate her."

"But the things you say, Bella, tell me other wise. I don't want to turn you knowing that you won't be able to see her again to make your relationship with Renee right. I do not remember my relationship with my mother or if I even had one. Bella I want you to mend things with her. Please."

Have I been so careless? Alice doesn't remember a single thing from her human life other than her name. "I'm sorry." I choke out before lowering my eyes from hers. She pulls my chin back up and pecks my lips softly.

"Don't be," she says. "Just talk to her, okay? For me?"

I nod my head quickly before she catches my lips in another kiss.

"I have to get my car from Eddie, he's around the corner." she says before letting me go and hopping gracefully out of my window.

After finishing my hygiene routine I head down stairs and into the kitchen. Mom is sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading her copy of _All Quiet on the Western Front_. She glances at me over the top of her book and I hear a muffled "Good morning honey."

_Please explain to me why that is  
I thought I could tell you anything  
But I can't and that gets me so pissed  
And makes my whole damn body sting_

_Now, Mom, please - you must know  
That I still love you with all my heart  
Even though its crushed and breaking  
Cause our relationship is falling apart_

Alice is in front of the house already and she is honking. Mom knows it's her and she gets that look again but it quickly erases. "Bye. Have a nice day."

I grab hold of my mom's body and pull her close to me. It's been so long since I've had her so close to me. She hesitated to put her arms around me but she did. I feel tears swelling in my eyes. God I've missed this so much.

_Please, Mom, hold on to me  
I'm your daughter through and through  
Even though what I am  
Makes your whole damn body stew_

_There's so much more I need to say  
But, I don't want to - you know why  
Cause unlike some, I am a good person  
And I don't want to make your pain too high_

_There's just one more thing you should know  
But this is simply who I am  
And I'm begging you to stop criticizing  
So that you can learn to understand_

_**FIN**_

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**A/N: I really hope you enjoyed this story. It really does mean alot to me. Please go to my or I Have Cullenism's profile page and copy the poem into you own. Help stop homophobia within families. Thank you!**

**--Teja**


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